my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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