Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is Oprah even human
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize