There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dear god my vagina.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
