it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
