Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
