I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
