I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
