my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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