I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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