I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
