is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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