i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
