The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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