Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
