I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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