I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
