bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
