Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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