he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
