No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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