Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
