So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
