umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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