I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize