She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize