Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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