just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wear drunk well.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
