We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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