Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize