Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
