I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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