Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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