My sheets look like a crime scene.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize