is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
