Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
