Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
