i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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