I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
