Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
