i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
