All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
