How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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