I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
