Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
