how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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