Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
