are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
