Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
