so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't deserve a penis
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
