Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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