That's when you crack a 10am beer
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fill condoms, not promises.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
