my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
