we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
