Cold hands, warm shart.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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