I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
