I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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