I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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