ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were trust falling into bushes
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
