We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
