last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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