Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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