Kiss
Puke
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
