Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
