So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
