I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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