i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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