My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
