Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
