There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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