Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize