I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
