Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
